Rubick's Hexahedron
by SpiritofAttorney
Summary: Argus Hakan travels to Dota 2 world. Can he find his lost soul?


"Merry Christmas, Argus!" exclaimed all of Argus' friends. Detective Camille, Lockheart, Shane's ghost, Arc the game dev, and even a few Argus Hakan clones were all there to celebrate this special day with him.

"Big Hakan!" shouted the Haklones, "We brought you lots of cool presents!"

"Ha," said Hakan, "Please give me your gifts! I shall take them with pleasure!"

One by one, the Haklones gave him their gifts. A Monkey King Bar, an Ethereal Blade and a Cheese were all standard gifts, nothing out of the ordinary.

"Go away stupid sons" said Argus with disgust, as he didn't like the boring presents, but then he saw where he was standing! There was a mistletoe! And then Big Hakan, and the Haklones kissed and then made some more clones (yes, only the first Haklone was produced in vitro).

Argus checked under the tree and found a gift wrapped up, and addressed directly to HIM, from Ice "Santa" Frog! Straight from the Amazonas rain forest, a good place but VERY icy, where frogs could live if it were hotter, was delivered a Mantle of Intelligence!

"Holy Hex! This is incredible, complimenting my intellect so beautifully!" he cried out.

"Here, I brought you this!" said Camille, blushing. She took out an oddly shaped parcel and handed it to him. Argus opened it and found a strange puzzle object, labelled "Rubick's Hexahedron".

"Thanks!" shouted Argus loudly, and he hurriedly opened it to solve it, since he liked puzzles.

"(Hmmm dang this is hard)," he thought, "(Guess I'll hack up a Computer Programme to solve this for me!)"

So he opened up his laptop, and typed up a SQL Script to solve it for him, a task which, unbeknownst to him, would be genuinely impossible for a mere human to solve by themselves.

Then, in a move he would regret for the rest of his live, he followed the solution the computer had elegantly composed, and solved the puzzle!

The hexahedron opened up eerily, and a straggling spirit rose out from within it. It grabbed ahold of Argus, and pulled him into a different, strange, world.

When Argus woke up, he was met with a horrifying realisation; his soul was nowhere to be found within him!

"Nooooo where did my soul go!" he screamed, soullessly.

Suddenly he got charged at by evil Axe for literally no reason! That was close to MURDER!

But, little did he know, that in DotA 2 world, murder is perfectly normal.

"Excuse me sir have you seen my soul?" Asked Argus to Axe again, but Axe had not seen his soul and just wanted to KILL EVERYONE.

"Oh no!" shouted Argus as he got his arm cut off and ran into a cave. Inside the cave, he met a friendly hero who didn't want to go around killing everyone.

"Hello!" said the hero, "My name is Rubick! Nice to meet you!"

"Hi!" said Argus, "Have you seen my soul anywhere?"

"Huh, what would a soul by itself even look like?" asked Rubick.

"I don't know lol" said Argus, "I don't have a soul so I can't really think rn"

"Oh, that's unfortunate" said Rubick pitifully, "Well, since today is Christmas, I shall show some festivity and help you find it!"

Argus and Rubick walked around and tried to find Argus' soul.

Suddenly, they got ambushed! However, not to worry, they were protected by Rubick's powerful fighting!

While they were walking, Argus got bored and walked away from Rubick. There, he met Slardar, the horrifying Slotherynne guard!

"OBJECTION!" he shouted at it, "You look like Lockheart, Ha ha ha!" but it did not deter Slardar at all!

Slardar went to attack Argus, but then Rubick went to stop Slardar, but then Slardar caught Rubick and seemed about to kill him but then triumphantly Argus saved him! and killed slardar.

Argus helped Rubick back home, and also the dead body of Slardar. Together, they made a nice funeral for Slardar and dug him a nice grave. They set up a Slardar museum where people could learn of the wonders of the Slitherens, and especially about Slardar, and charged entry so they could make a lot of money. The museum prospered, and they were very happy, so much so that Argus forgot about finding his soul for a while. All seemed utopian, but then a horrifying truth emerged.

"Uh, Argus, I have a confession" said Rubick.

"Whatever could it be, my beloved?" asked Argus.

"Sorry, Argus, but... well... - I am your soul!"

"What!? Oh dear...!" began Argus.

As time had gone on, they had researched what could happen to souls, and found out that if someone's soul was to leave their body then it could manifest itself as a person, in which case the only way to retrieve the soul would be to kill that person!

"R-Rubick... I-," solemnly said Argus, "I- I love you. And, I cannot kill you!" declared Argus.

"Therefore," he continued, "I shall continue to live here with you!"

A tear rose to Rubick's eye, and they kissed.

For the rest of eternity, together they happily lived, and ran the museum, which they converted into "Argus and Rubick love museum" instead since they didn't really like Slardar anyway.

 **Fin.**


End file.
